This lesson in my life has both taken on new meaning and has transformed the way in which that I relate to people at a very essential level. As it turns out we are very selfish human beings. But let us take a look at this since I’m sure that brought up some very seemingly negative connotations behind it. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with being selfish, because only through pure intent in selfishness are we able to see through that and allow emotional alchemy to take its course.
But without seeing that we color everything with our filter, wanting things to be “our” way is what brings about conflict.
When we see our own stories for what they are, we begin to automatically shift in a way that gives us a mental gap for the potential of great change. This doesn’t necessarily mean that it happens, as you still have the choice to or not change it based on how much suffering you feel you deserve. If you’re fed up with that coloring, maybe you’ll put down the crayon and say, “DONE!” If not maybe you’ll just color faster hoping to tire yourself out.
Permanence and Emotional Alchemy
This is the perceptual shift that needs to take place and it is that, each interaction you have with someone (even the ones you are very close to) are completely new experience of a completely new person. They may seem on the outside to be much the same, and may have some of the seemingly same beliefs. But they have changed much since the last time you related to them.
Like a story that is told in the Emotional Alchemist about a running river. That even if you step through the river once, and were to come back to it later that day. It will have changed, as water is always constantly flowing, rocks are always constantly shifting, debris is constantly floating through. All sorts of wildlife has interacted with this one river or stream!
We are the same way, so why do we treat each other like we are a permanent?
We are and always will be in a constant state of change, but we run into trouble when we try and put our past idea of each other on our brand new moments interactions. When this new relating of this brand new person deviates from the mental check list that we have we get upset. Often times we will throw a tantrum like, “They shouldn’t have done that! They never use to be that way!”
But it’s easy to see how selfish we are by doing this. We are stating that they shouldn’t act who they are because we want them to be who WE want them to be.
It is like clipping a birds wings, but telling them they are free to fly. – Emotional Alchemist
That is the very essence of limitation, so dropping our checklist is very important in the process of emotional alchemy. The more we are mindful of our own checklists the easier it becomes to be receptive to who someone is, not who we want them to be.