Emotional alchemy at its’ core is all about relating to one another. It is making ourselves vulnerable by seeing our failings so that we may come back to health. And although this may not be easy most of the time, the by-product is that every facet of our lives become more vivid and wholesome. In my experience I’ve seen an increase in the way that I connect with people and the way that they connect with me. Although this doesn’t leave out the occasional storyteller syndrome where day dreaming and inner monologue still takes place, but to be looked at and dissolved which is highly beneficial.
So what are some signs of a good relationship?
I’ll get to that but first let’s define what I mean by relationship. This has really nothing to do with agreement of exclusivity (although this may happen and that is perfectly fine), but just the general way in which we interact with each other. What I mean by relationship is any dynamic that you share with another human being.
Being who you are
Being who you are is important. If you can’t be honest with yourself and accept yourself, then you are bound to be dishonest with the one you are relating to with. The point of relating to others is sharing your perspective and enjoying the others perspective without trying to change them. If you’re trying to change someone, you no longer in relationship, instead you are trying to manipulate something that is not actually in your control.
Understanding that you are free to be who you are and the other is free to be who they are, is beautifully freeing. Understanding that each person is different but still meeting each other at their respective perspective makes for healthy relating.
Set Your Friend Free
Like I said above, letting someone be who they are and respecting and enjoying their respective is another one of those signs of a good relationship. See how this perspective lacks a sense of possession? When we don’t have to worry about changing someone to our ideas of them, jealousy or any other not so good feeling begins to dissolve. If you are currently working on this, it may not go away right away as it takes some momentum to stop our conditioning that has been there for probably some time. So be patient and kind with yourself.
No one said this kind of emotional alchemy is always easy…
Sometimes setting someone free also means out of your love for them, to let them go for a while, so that you can bring yourself back to health. If you feel possessiveness taking over this would be a good cue to be mindful and to start letting go of your ideas or roles.
Maintaining A Dynamic Interaction
We are always in a constant state of change, and so is everyone else we interact with. So knowing this and keeping a dynamic relating process is healthy. What dynamic may have worked when we last related to one another may not work this time. So being able to make that moment to moment gesture is another one of those signs of a good relationship. It will put both parties at easy and hopefully easy tensions between the two of not having to “one up the past you”
Instead if turns into a playful discovery of what this moment right now has in store for us.
Emotional alchemy may be hard work at some times, but it also makes the journey fun and interesting. If you follow this way of relating, I guarantee your potential for a stagnant relationship or a dead relationship will be almost non-existent.
When my journey through this path happened, I wasn’t really expecting to get much out of it. It was in the midst of being broken up with. And we all know with a break up becomes most of the time, a broken heart, shattered identity, a feeling a helplessness, and a great loneliness that never seems to subside. Thank goodness I had mindfulness and the awareness of some form of emotional alchemy to navigate these dark waters. Through the process I was able to grow in ways that others think not possible, and all of my limitations began to melt away as if they were only dreams of the past.
First I realized there were many ideas I had about different things that I always assumed true and never questioned.
This is one of our first block to transforming who we are. We see through a filter to our disadvantage sometimes. It is not that the block is actually there, but that conditioning is there and has been operating in us for so long that we never think to question its’ validity. It becomes “A” voice, but is not our authentic voice.
These are the ideas that cause discomfort toward you about the way things should be rather then what they actually are. Like for me for instance, I had this idea that since I was perceiving myself to give so much love, that I was to have it returned to me at the same level. But I learned just by seeing that others aren’t responsible for loving us, that we are responsible for our own love, emotional alchemy took its course with no willing on my part.
Through the time in which I was growing it became more clear to me that what I needed to see were those ideas, concepts, and beliefs I had about EVERYTHING and to check in with life/reality and see how they were matching up. Chances are if there was a conflict, there would be the signal of limitation here. So dropping that thought to pick up a more expansive one, or one that navigated life with flow was of great importance.
Emotional Alchemy And Meeting People
And here is how it plays out when you meet new people. We often get a first impression of someone and as the mind goes, it wants to lock it into place as that is this person. However I learned that we are all in a constant state of change so immediately this will throw up conflict when someone acts outside of the ideas we have of them.
That is when I learned that dropping our ideas of others from moment to moment allows flow and allows less and less conflict to arise.
To not impose our ideas on another of how they should or shouldn’t be is important because they are not a stagnant “permanent idea” but a continuous change of uniqueness. We are changing billions of times per moment, and it is this that lifts us from limitation. The more we do this to others in our life, you will begin to see that the more we will begin to do it to ourselves. And through this emotional alchemy do we begin to change the filters in which we see the world.