This lesson in my life has both taken on new meaning and has transformed the way in which that I relate to people at a very essential level. As it turns out we are very selfish human beings. But let us take a look at this since I’m sure that brought up some very seemingly negative connotations behind it. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with being selfish, because only through pure intent in selfishness are we able to see through that and allow emotional alchemy to take its course.
But without seeing that we color everything with our filter, wanting things to be “our” way is what brings about conflict.
When we see our own stories for what they are, we begin to automatically shift in a way that gives us a mental gap for the potential of great change. This doesn’t necessarily mean that it happens, as you still have the choice to or not change it based on how much suffering you feel you deserve. If you’re fed up with that coloring, maybe you’ll put down the crayon and say, “DONE!” If not maybe you’ll just color faster hoping to tire yourself out.
Permanence and Emotional Alchemy
This is the perceptual shift that needs to take place and it is that, each interaction you have with someone (even the ones you are very close to) are completely new experience of a completely new person. They may seem on the outside to be much the same, and may have some of the seemingly same beliefs. But they have changed much since the last time you related to them.
Like a story that is told in the Emotional Alchemist about a running river. That even if you step through the river once, and were to come back to it later that day. It will have changed, as water is always constantly flowing, rocks are always constantly shifting, debris is constantly floating through. All sorts of wildlife has interacted with this one river or stream!
We are the same way, so why do we treat each other like we are a permanent?
We are and always will be in a constant state of change, but we run into trouble when we try and put our past idea of each other on our brand new moments interactions. When this new relating of this brand new person deviates from the mental check list that we have we get upset. Often times we will throw a tantrum like, “They shouldn’t have done that! They never use to be that way!”
But it’s easy to see how selfish we are by doing this. We are stating that they shouldn’t act who they are because we want them to be who WE want them to be.
It is like clipping a birds wings, but telling them they are free to fly. – Emotional Alchemist
That is the very essence of limitation, so dropping our checklist is very important in the process of emotional alchemy. The more we are mindful of our own checklists the easier it becomes to be receptive to who someone is, not who we want them to be.
When I began to really see emotional alchemy take hold of me, there was an overall theme that seemed to emerge from every interaction that I had with each person in my life. It painted my personal skys with beautiful hues of colors. Now I won’t say that this kind of process or secret is exactly easy to swallow because there are times where I felt like I couldn’t keep going. Now I see that those were just old ways of thinking dying so that new ways of living could emerge and saturate my life.
I learned through emotional alchemy that accepting yourself is key to having any healthy lasting related-ness with anyone.
It is not about how much intelligence you have (although this helps in communication) but about the quality of what you know. In this instance, it is how well you know who you authentically are. And then getting rid of all of that stuff that everyone has told you who you are for years.
How does this form of seeing help you into accepting yourself?…
Well when we begin to take stock of whether these conditioned beliefs inside are actually useful to us, is when we actually begin to take responsibility for our own lives. We can then begin to let emotional alchemy do it’s magic and begin to change these things or allow them to dissolve if they are no longer useful.
By simply asking the question, “Is this true about me?”
And it may be on something small but may cause some stress in your life. When stress bubbles up it’s typical from an idea we have about life that doesn’t quite match up with what is actually going on in that moment. So by seeing this and accepting that this is the way things are and that we are indeed stressed due to the way we are or feel about something allows for the opportunity for transformation.
How To Apply Emotional Alchemy To Practical Life
So here is the way in which I directly put it into my everyday interactions. Whenever a conflict comes up, I first take a look at what belief I have that is causing this uneasiness. Whether it’s an idea about a situation, or a past experience about something. And then I evaluate it in terms of if that belief is true at this current moment. Because remember, we are always in a constant state of change.
To put an ever changing moment in a stagnant idea that we have is always bound to cause human suffering or stress in our life. It will always keep us from accepting ourselves completely in moment to moment interactions. By accepting how we feel right now and seeing that our ideas are causing this feeling will slowly allow us to slow down the momentum of that thought we are holding onto (and eventually let go).
We owe no thought an obligation of clinging, if it no longer serves our emotional well being. Feel free to let it go in place of a better more convenient idea or belief that DOES suite your emotional well being. Eventually you will no longer need the crutch of that old belief. This is emotional alchemy at its’ finest.
Don’t forget to check out my eBook Emotional Alchemist on kindle if you like the type of content from above.
When my journey through this path happened, I wasn’t really expecting to get much out of it. It was in the midst of being broken up with. And we all know with a break up becomes most of the time, a broken heart, shattered identity, a feeling a helplessness, and a great loneliness that never seems to subside. Thank goodness I had mindfulness and the awareness of some form of emotional alchemy to navigate these dark waters. Through the process I was able to grow in ways that others think not possible, and all of my limitations began to melt away as if they were only dreams of the past.
First I realized there were many ideas I had about different things that I always assumed true and never questioned.
This is one of our first block to transforming who we are. We see through a filter to our disadvantage sometimes. It is not that the block is actually there, but that conditioning is there and has been operating in us for so long that we never think to question its’ validity. It becomes “A” voice, but is not our authentic voice.
These are the ideas that cause discomfort toward you about the way things should be rather then what they actually are. Like for me for instance, I had this idea that since I was perceiving myself to give so much love, that I was to have it returned to me at the same level. But I learned just by seeing that others aren’t responsible for loving us, that we are responsible for our own love, emotional alchemy took its course with no willing on my part.
Through the time in which I was growing it became more clear to me that what I needed to see were those ideas, concepts, and beliefs I had about EVERYTHING and to check in with life/reality and see how they were matching up. Chances are if there was a conflict, there would be the signal of limitation here. So dropping that thought to pick up a more expansive one, or one that navigated life with flow was of great importance.
Emotional Alchemy And Meeting People
And here is how it plays out when you meet new people. We often get a first impression of someone and as the mind goes, it wants to lock it into place as that is this person. However I learned that we are all in a constant state of change so immediately this will throw up conflict when someone acts outside of the ideas we have of them.
That is when I learned that dropping our ideas of others from moment to moment allows flow and allows less and less conflict to arise.
To not impose our ideas on another of how they should or shouldn’t be is important because they are not a stagnant “permanent idea” but a continuous change of uniqueness. We are changing billions of times per moment, and it is this that lifts us from limitation. The more we do this to others in our life, you will begin to see that the more we will begin to do it to ourselves. And through this emotional alchemy do we begin to change the filters in which we see the world.