I’m sure what brought you here is the fact that you have been through or are currently experiencing that thing in a relationship that eats away at us. Yes, you’ve began to catch on to the fact that toxic relationships are part of life, and they suck! They seem to pull us apart at all of our best seems and give us a false self image of not only ourselves but of the one we currently feel closest to. So how can we transform this process through emotional alchemy?
And I will get to that in a minute…
First let’s take a look at what sets up the grounds of a toxic relationship. When we form our ideas about someone, we slowly begin to put them in a box. Not because we are consciously trying to hurt them but because we lovingly want to keep that beautiful image of them.
This limiting process seems to be based around our desire to control how we interact with life.
But let’s think about this for a minute. Our beloved/friend isn’t a finite picture (or a snapshot that we’ve taken and want to match up 24/7). They are always constantly changing. They are much as dynamically active as we are with our ideas, beliefs, and concepts. They are like a river that is ever changing at any given moment. So why are we doing this to anyone we are relating to?
This is the very start of the potential for a toxic relationship.
We are basically saying that we will like this person, as long as they match up with what we want, not for who they actually are. Then our sense of limitation typically will go further to want to control. So when the beloved/friend doesn’t act out of the image we have of them, we create a conflict from it. But if we can see how selfish this belief of thinking is, we can begin to correct it inside. We can see that in order to be satisfied with another is to let them be who they are and to dynamically adjust to who they are becoming from moment to moment.
Our emotional alchemy then transforms a toxic relationship into a dynamic one. We see that we don’t have to control someone through manipulation just like we don’t have to control the sun for it to shine.
We can love each other for who we are, not try and force each other to be something we want them to be. And as a by-product of teaching ourselves this, we may even begin to see which things inside ourselves we may or may not want to change. There is nothing saying that this process is always easy but use the emotion you have inside to guide you to the belief that is limiting you from having relationship free of possession and control.
This trust in relationships, leads can lead us out of toxic relationship and can transform them into something more rich and beautiful. Remember that emotional alchemy is about dropping our ideas and limitations of others from moment to moment. If you begin to work on that, health may just come back into how you relate to people.
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When my journey through this path happened, I wasn’t really expecting to get much out of it. It was in the midst of being broken up with. And we all know with a break up becomes most of the time, a broken heart, shattered identity, a feeling a helplessness, and a great loneliness that never seems to subside. Thank goodness I had mindfulness and the awareness of some form of emotional alchemy to navigate these dark waters. Through the process I was able to grow in ways that others think not possible, and all of my limitations began to melt away as if they were only dreams of the past.
First I realized there were many ideas I had about different things that I always assumed true and never questioned.
This is one of our first block to transforming who we are. We see through a filter to our disadvantage sometimes. It is not that the block is actually there, but that conditioning is there and has been operating in us for so long that we never think to question its’ validity. It becomes “A” voice, but is not our authentic voice.
These are the ideas that cause discomfort toward you about the way things should be rather then what they actually are. Like for me for instance, I had this idea that since I was perceiving myself to give so much love, that I was to have it returned to me at the same level. But I learned just by seeing that others aren’t responsible for loving us, that we are responsible for our own love, emotional alchemy took its course with no willing on my part.
Through the time in which I was growing it became more clear to me that what I needed to see were those ideas, concepts, and beliefs I had about EVERYTHING and to check in with life/reality and see how they were matching up. Chances are if there was a conflict, there would be the signal of limitation here. So dropping that thought to pick up a more expansive one, or one that navigated life with flow was of great importance.
Emotional Alchemy And Meeting People
And here is how it plays out when you meet new people. We often get a first impression of someone and as the mind goes, it wants to lock it into place as that is this person. However I learned that we are all in a constant state of change so immediately this will throw up conflict when someone acts outside of the ideas we have of them.
That is when I learned that dropping our ideas of others from moment to moment allows flow and allows less and less conflict to arise.
To not impose our ideas on another of how they should or shouldn’t be is important because they are not a stagnant “permanent idea” but a continuous change of uniqueness. We are changing billions of times per moment, and it is this that lifts us from limitation. The more we do this to others in our life, you will begin to see that the more we will begin to do it to ourselves. And through this emotional alchemy do we begin to change the filters in which we see the world.